Friday, November 5, 2010


I am fully aware that it is not Halloween anymore. That is has past and hopefully everyone had something fun to do. Unlike my other entries, which as "How To's", this post is more of a response. I wish to know how was everyone's Halloween :)

Was it fun? Did you have some sort of crazy adventure? 1st rate costumes? Bought you costumes? Made them?

What did you guys do for Halloween that made it special. If it was not special how will you do things differently next time?

I will blog on my Halloween adventures shorty :3
For now comment on what did you guys do :D

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

How to get away from awkward situations. Part 1

Many people in society has gone through awkward situations where they feel like a simple yes or no could lead to catastrophic consequences. Here being an noob guru, will hopefully answer some of the most dire questions that can get you out of trouble.

Let's say that you are a male traveling to go shopping with your girlfriend for new clothes. Suddenly she pulls you inside Forever 21, a popular store for woman, and urges you to give your opinion on her upcomming attire. Like most men these days, we all dread the question of "Do I look fat in this?" As your girlfriend comes out of the dressing room and she politely asks, "Do I look fat in this dress?" Hold it! Let's analysis the situations to isolate the variables so the correct choice can be made.
y = x - 10
This is the fundamental equation to solve this situation. Where "y = the end results", "x = your answer", and "-10 being the constant variable of angry." Simply to a mathematician, we know that if we want the girl to be satisfied, we must get at least a "0" for her to be neutral or at least a positive number to make her happy.
 Typically, a male will have two choices, either "yes" or "no".

A yes will say that she looks fat in her dress. Well what would happen if you said that? Let me ask an expert in this situation. Vivian Hernandez is a woman herself who has consented to give her expert opinion. If a guy asked her in that situation "Yes, you do look fat." Her research says that a girl would feel immensely depressed and might consider a break up! If she does not break up with you, she will definitely remember this as a weapon for future fights. You do not want to say this at all. Another expert in this topic Amy Aguilera, states that "if you say yes her self-esteem level would drop like crazy." From both experts, this is an answer you would like to avoid. The worst that will happen is that she would run out of the store with the dress on to cry in the restroom, making the boyfriend responsible for the damages she cause.

A no will mean that she is not fat in her attire. Well what would happen if you said that instead? For this question I asked an expert in this topic. My friend Israel Lopez, a man who has had this situation happen numerous times. He said, "No you do not look fat in this". His girlfriend then replied, "What? So you are lying to me now?" She then furiously raged quit the store and make him look like a terrible person. A no in this situation would represent "x" being a lower positive number such as "< 10" or possibility a negative number! This all depends on the girl of course on the exact numerical constant. My friend Chester, would say that woman would criticize this answer and say "that you are only saying this because". What he replied was "Let's go eat!~" This is a horrible answer, which would lead to your friend LOL'ing at you.

To many a third variable exists which is to make the situation as awkward as possible so that she forgets the question entirely. "Hey by the way you wouldn't mind if I go to pay child support at the lawyers office would you?" You have to ask a question so random and awkward that she will forget it.
A bad example would be saying "I think you are pregnant." If a man said this, he may be able to get away from the initial situation for now. But after a certain amount of time has pass or if she has free time to ponder on the situation. She will make the correlation between "pregnancy = an alternative way to say you are fat." This excuse temporarily accomplishes our goal, but will come back later at a stronger level.
Every girl has different tolerance levels on awkwardness, if you find the right level, the variable "x" would no doubt be positive.

If all else fails, feign sickness and use to restroom to GTFO!
If by any chance, try to avoid this situation as much as possible.
Enjoy today's blog :3

Monday, November 1, 2010

How to fail a college class.

This is for all you potential college drop outs to efficiently get a F. Specifically a college Art class.

To be signed up for an Art class.

Apparatus needed:
1x yourself
0x drops of motivation
0x attendance in class
1x backpack
1x art supplies

0x fake doctor's note

Step 1:
Leave your Art supplies at home.

Step 2:
Remember to bring your backpack to school to make it look like you are a college student.

Step 3:
Take yourself and go to your school

Step 4:
Take your no motivation and fake a life threatening disease.

Step 5:
After a month or so, come into class and give a fake excuse.

Step 6:

Step 7:
Profit in life.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

How to make a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich.

Hi this is my first blog on posting stuff. Today I figured I will start on doing a tutorial on making a sandwich for those who do know how to.

How to make a Delicious PB&J, peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Items Required:
2x Slices of choice bread.
1x Jar of Peanut butter.
1x Jar of Jelly
1x butter knife
1x plate
1x napkin
1x Toaster Oven (optional)

Step 1:
Take two slices of bread and put them down laying side by side on the plate.

Step1b: (Optional)
Take the two pieces of bread and put them on the toaster for a click for medium or two click for dark. Then proceed to step 1c.

Step 1c:
If you toasted the bread, take the toast and put them back on the plate.

Step 2: 
Take the pieces of bread/toast and first smear peanut butter on both pieces of the bread/toast with the butter knife.

Step 3: 
Then proceed to clean the peanut butter off of the knife to prevent cross contamination.

Step 4:
Repeat step 2, but this time do it with the jelly instead.

Step 5:
Then with the two pieces of bread/toast, close them so that the peanut butter and jelly side is both attached to each other.

Step 6:
Take the napkin and the finished product and enjoy. =)